Because of this, I was drawn to people like my best friend, who was dynamic and bold.
She was the one who things happened to, the starting point of every story. He, in turn, went to find my friend and her boyfriend, who were none too pleased at having to leave so soon after we got there. Hearing that he wanted more felt like wading into the deep end. had feelings for me, I felt strange every time I saw him.
How wonderful it felt to have an "adult" who valued our opinion; thought we were not just cute but interesting. I was wearing a Bundeswehr tank top I'd gotten at an Army supply store and faded jeans, a thrift shop crucifix around my neck. But as we sat there together in the sunshine, the wine buzzing my head, I suddenly felt … With real life, however, and memory especially, it is harder to keep things so neat and organized. In the first, I snuck out of the house with a guy friend who lived down the street. My friend came back, we went home and I slid back into my bed. The second incident I remember happened when he was giving me a ride home. As I got older, however, the more I realized that my experience was not an uncommon one.
My best friend was 14 when she fell in love with a 21 year old. My friend's older boyfriend was close with a guy I'll call T. My mother, spying him from the front window, asked me how old he was."I don't know," I said. After awhile, my friend and her boyfriend disappeared, leaving T. Many memories remain fuzzy, but incidents such as that day in the forest remain in crisp detail. It was late and my parents were asleep as we drove over to the house where T. At some point, my friend left to go somewhere, and for whatever reason I didn't go with him. Maybe he only stepped out to go to the store down the block. This was after the night at his house, though how much later I cannot say. It seemed just about every woman I knew had a similar story, a time when wanting attention meant getting the wrong kind entirely.
In tenth grade, we made friends with a group of older guys who hung out on the main street of town, which ran parallel to the local university — guys who'd once gone to our same high school and had never left the social scene. I remember how quiet it was, birds soaring overhead, no other sound. I grew to dread the moments we were alone, especially when I needed a ride home at the end of the night to make my curfew.
When they weren't doing BMX and skateboard tricks in front of the post office, they were spending what money they had at the nearby arcade, or spinning on stools and shooting straw wrappers in their favorite burger joint, just across the street. We had gotten in the habit of him driving me home, and my suddenly wanting to make different arrangements seemed to inconvenience everyone.
Now, I’m not saying these are conscious reasons why dating a man quite a bit older—there have been several moments when I’ve thought that going out with someone closer to my age would be much simpler.
They will never trust him if he’s 10-plus years your senior, no matter what he does to gain their approval along the way.
Evolutionary psychologists say that relationships like this often occur because while fertility lasts only from puberty to menopause in women, it starts at puberty and can extend long into midlife for lots of men.
That means there’s a strategic advantage for women to snag an older gent—he’s had more time to accumulate resources and stability than his younger counterparts, which could make him a more viable partner and father.
Though this list may sound like it’s targeted toward young ladies seriously contemplating shacking up with a significantly older man (because it partially is), it’s also for those men who believe proposing to someone in her 20s as they approach 50 is a grand idea.
You guys should consider what it will be like for a much younger lady to age by your side as you really age.
Anyone who’s been in a serious long-term relationship knows the journey isn’t without certain challenges, and when you’re dating an older man—we’re talking a decade or more—things can get even trickier.